Who says I can’t be free…

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Who says I can’t be free from all of the things that I used to be… re-write my history… who says I can’t be free?

It’s been a long night in New York City
It’s been a long night in Baton Rouge
I don’t remember you looking any better
But then again I don’t remember you…

–> I could tell you about last night’s party – the underestimation of the client of how many cars so he wouldn’t have to pay as many valets, trying to take cars in Koreatown on Wilshire in the middle of rush hour on a Thursday night, the requirement that we wear mini-skirts, the guys in leiderhosen, the beer maidens, how I clocked 40 miles on my car shuttling the same 3-mile radius, and the situation that caused me to win the Awesome!Award for the night by saying, “Fuck! I was totally going to use that baby carriage as my human shield!”

However, I got to bed at 2am, and I’ve spent the day vacillitating between trying to get caught up on my life and avoiding my entire life, so instead I’m going to go pack my world up into various bags so I can leave at 6:15am tomorrow and get home around 1am tomorrow night, because it’s not even worth driving home after practice when I have a party to work that afternoon on the west side of the 405, so I’m just going to find a CBTL to camp out in & trudge through more hourly work tomorrow for six or seven hours.

–> I got my back unemployment forms in the mail today – found out earlier this week that the reason they’d stopped sending what that when I had that one week in Sept with over 40 hours of work, they assumed I had found a full time job, rather than the truth – I’d just gotten lucky for one week. :sigh: On a bright note, was able to get the situation settled because when I was up at the window, the guy let me call the office direct once I pulled out the legal folder with every scrap of information I’ve gotten from them ever, and he informed me he was making an exception because I was the most organized person he’d ever seen.
um…Thanks. (I think)

Walked up to the Kinko’s on Sunset with Zoey this afternoon to make photocopies of the new claims (I really need to get a scanner so I can save the environment a little & just keep all this crap electronically). Half mile, 3/4 mile walk uphill to discover… I left my wallet at home. eff. Walked back down the hill, find my wallet, and make the awesome knowledge acquisition that Beth‘s printer is also a photocopier, thus only requiring me to walk to the post office on Fairfax rather than all the way back up to Sunset. Yay Beth!

–> I don’t think I’m going to race this fall season. After we did the Bay Series, I bent over to pick up oars with Kate and almost fell on my ass. Stars, baby, saw me some stars. Between my schedule, the stress, and being off my training, I’m just so totally not okay physically, and the fact that a freakin’ Bay Series almost caused me to black out is what we call “an indicator”.
(Lucky for me Kate was the one there with me – no one understands dealing with people that aren’t retaining enough calories like a lightweight rower. *snerk*)

Unless something ridiculous happens, I’m probably going to spend Halloween weekend at regattas in a purely coach capacity. Right now I’m Mom and Dad for my team, and I have this wacky idea that it’s not really Kosher to make the lineup for the boats you’re coaching and admin-ing and rowing in. Last chick I saw that did that ended up in Texas, and really, I just don’t think I wanna go out like that.

–> I’ve been running a lot lately. I’ll get to the boathouse, and just take off down the beach path instead. And when I do go out on the water alone, a lot of times I’ll get out there, look around, and go, “eh, fuck it.” I don’t have any fight in me right now. I’m just tired, and done, and there have been too many months of trying to figure things out on & off the water & in the rest of my life, and right now I just don’t have anything left. However, I still have people that need to be taken care of, and right now either I can try to find myself as an athlete again, or I can make sure they’re okay, and since there’s no one to cover me while I cover for someone else, what I’ve got left has to go into keeping things going for my rowers instead of my own rowing.

Z has a saying that there are three things that make a great competitive rower – natural athletic ability, a willingness to do the work, and heart. Acc to him, you can overcome the first with the second, you can hide the second with the first, but without the third you’re screwed. As I said to Chalecki a bit back, I know enough to recognize that I have completely lost the third, and no amount of pushing can make up for that.

–> Had to sit down with a FigureOfAuthority this morning and have a fun conversation titled, “All the crap that just got me burned? Yeah, someone else just tried to end run it through a new person.” Hopefully my decision to go for the preemptive strike of “We shut that sh*t down, and no matter what you might hear me & mine are far far away from that debacle” will keep us in the clear. Why do so many women have to be bitches, that’s what I want to know. Makes shit harder for the rest of us and our wacky habit of trying to work through problems and actually not having a second meaning behind what we say.

Happy – smile. Sad – frown. Use the corresponding face for the corresponding emotion! ~ French Kiss

–> The thought of everything I need to accomplish in the immediate time frame of my life is such that I’m having trouble getting anything done because I don’t know where to begin. My long term is so up in the air that I can’t even consider anything except staying above water for right now.

Silver linings:
• I did my bi-monthly billing today, & pulled in more than my unemployment allotment, thus bringing myself that much closer to being off the dole — now I just need to achieve that regularly.
• Kate is at Head of the Charles this weekend, which means this former New Hampshire resident may receive honest-to-gods Dunkin’ Donuts munchkins soon. Pity an Extra-Large iced French Vanilla Extra Extra wouldn’t survive the plane ride…
• An overdue client emailed today to let me know she put a check in the mail.
• Sent out back claim forms today & crossing fingers that they process first try.
(stoooopid scan-trons, you’re why I photocopy before I send things in! :shakeyfist!:)
• My slow systematic addition of an extra $20 every paycheck to my car payment while I was employed continues to be A Thing Of Win as it has put me half a payment ahead, a bit of padding that’s saved my credit score’s already bruised ass more than once in the last few months.
• got reacquainted with a possible client from earlier in the summer – he runs a boxing gym, so we may see if me finding my fight again involves… actually fighting again.
• have officially made it through half the month & kept to my tapas of not having chocolate. Am contemplating a different tapas for November to also force me to adhere to a bit more economy — possibly more on that later.
• am having the stress-twitchies outside of meditation. This either means that my body is chillaxing enough that I don’t need the prompt of meditation to let things go, or I’m so stressed that it’s literally just leaking out of my body whenever I sit still. Hoping for the first, more inclined to believe the second.

Finally, the Mostest!Importantest!News!Of!All!

John Mayer - Who Says

John Mayer - Who Says

John Mayer has a new single out.  John Mayer - Who Says - Single

You should probably go get it. Yes, like, right now. Welcome back, Johnny Boy – missed ya.

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  • http://bobjohn54.blogspot.com/ Edith Daily

    You know this made me think of a quote. It’s something like: “All life is an experiment. The more experiments you make the better.” Ralph Waldo Emerson

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  • http://www.onecybertech.com/ Ted Cook

    Like the design, template, post is befitting, writing is good. I’ll probably check back again….

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