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HeroineAddict.me » what of the what, staying put, & trust issues with alcohol. http://heroineaddict.me Write your own legend. Thu, 11 Oct 2012 22:35:56 +0000 en-US hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.4.2 what of the what, staying put, & trust issues with alcohol. http://heroineaddict.me/what-of-that-what-staying-put-trust-issues-with-alcohol/ http://heroineaddict.me/what-of-that-what-staying-put-trust-issues-with-alcohol/#comments Thu, 05 May 2011 18:41:51 +0000 claris http://heroineaddict.me/?p=776
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The what of the what.
So, on Tuesday, I had a quick talk w/ Capt. Jack re: renewing my contract with Museum!Co. My current contract had been set to end on July 1st, so in the spirit of helping our office manager not go insane-o with end of fiscal year, I wanted to see what was up so we’d all know how to file paperwork in June. (OfficeMgr actually asked me to pre-file my June billing on June 1st so that things would already be paid & there’d be one less thing for her to worry about, which is what tipped me off.)

The verdict is that we’ll continue on the present schedule of 16hrs/wk until sometime in Sept, after which I will have at least 8 hrs/wk through the end of the year, possibly still my 16 depending on what kind of work comes through the dept in the fall, which he can’t entirely predict or slate the cash monies for yet. There’s a wordpress project that might fall to me once they get it from the outside agency doing the initial heavy lifting, which would be really great, and we’ll see what there is to see.

What does this mean for me? Two things:
1. Not moving to Long Beach.
2. Need to finish getting my arse in gear.

If I knew I had the guaranteed hours from Museum!Co ’til the end of the year, I’d have moved. However, without that guarantee, the large amt of money I put down for Zoey’s cancer surgery, and considering that the majority of my work comes from here in LA, I really can’t justify moving that far south right now. At this point, I think that if I can get a couple things in order, I can look at moving further west so that I’m on the other side of the 405 by the fall.

Arse in gear.
October -> Jan was basically spent paying off everything & putting myself in a stable position after having spent a year on unemployment/freelancing/valeting.

Jan -> May has been about cleaning things up & out, and putting money in the bank. I’ve ditched some clients that were troublesome, consolidated all my sites onto one server, & I’m about this >< close! to finishing a new version of my portfolio site that actually includes some of the work I’ve done over the last two years, as opposed to my old one, which is from before I was laid off from Infomercial!Co.
ZoomZoom! is almost paid off, & I’m actually in a position that I’m waiting to hear back from the bank on buying a 1x for myself — I could probably do it in payments direct with the seller (whom I know) but I’m doing it this way to strategically take out a small loan & then pay it back with a series of small frequent payments & get done with the loan about… 1/3 early — enough that it ups my credit score, but not to much that I get an early payment penalty. My credit isn’t horrible, but I was still 11points short being able to do the loan w/o a co-signer, so this way I can make a payment every mo & it’ll still only be half of what my car payment is, thank the gods.

Jun -> Sept is basically going to be about applying everything that I’ve built up. I’m going to launch ShoppingBlogs 1 & 2, & put the VitaminBlog that KC & I have been working on in motion — I don’t expect that of them would suddenly firebomb into being Phenomenal!Cash!Monies!, but I’m hoping that by the end of the summer, their combined income would equal what I make from Museum!Co, which would allow me to put whatever I make from Museum!Co in the fall into the bank.

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General Status
Once I finish the commission for OilGasCo, I’ll be able to complete having 3mos worth of bills in the bank, & I’m about… $200 away from paying off Zoom-Zoom once an errant client’s check arrives in the mail, which will hopefully be today or tomorrow. So it’s not like I’m in any way destitute, just a little fiscally neurotic. One of the things I still need to do is take the IRA that I have at Schwab & move it over to ING so that I can properly distribute it into conservative, long-term sections.

And I know that there are some who would say, you know… Seize the day! Do the thing! but I just so totally can’t.

Last night, I saw an interview that Stephen Colbert did with Ice T. (yes, really) In it, Ice T talked about the fact that with all of his admitted criminal activity in his youth, he doesn’t drink & he never did drugs. When asked why, he basically explained that because he was an orphan, he felt like he couldn’t show weakness or lose control in that way, & I found that comforting, because it’s nice to know that I’m not the only one that thinks that way.

I remember talking to… I think it may have been HelloKittyRowerFriend about the fact that PandaFace wasn’t coming down to row, because he’d been out drinking the night before — with his dad. In the course of that convo, I summed it up as, “To me, going out & getting drunk shows a certain trust in the world that while you are somewhat incapacitated or not fully aware, nothing bad will happen to you. That the universe will take care of you. I just don’t have that faith, man. So basically, I’m sober most of the time because I have trust issues.”

And really, that same philosophy extends to my finances. Coming from what I do growing up, I have absolutely no faith in the system to begin with, but even more so with the way things are right now. For me, I feel better when I have things paid for, even if they’re saved for long before they ever happen. Hell, a good part of the reason my credit score is on the lower range of middle-of-the-road is because generally speaking, I pay for things in cash. :shrug: it’s just the way I am.

It also affects my work approach. I was a corporate drudge at a string of companies for almost ten years, & it was just the same cycle of hire, use into the ground, get rid of you when we’re done — especially when you’re the designer in a marketing dept.

The last time I got laid off, I went freelance, & in that time, I’ve actually come to the realization that honestly, I don’t even really like having clients. I just don’t feel like answering to anyone, because I have so little faith in humanity right now. Don’t get me wrong, I love Museum!Co, & will continue to work here forever if they let me (especially since hey – I ain’t moving!), but I’m finding that who I want to take on as clients is a narrowing field simply because I have so little tolerance for the same bullsh*t over & over again, so I’m getting pickier & pickier about the work that I take on.

More than anything, I have the yen to basically generate my own income on my own schedule, which is why I’m going to start working on the different blogs & charitable development work in the rowing community. Ultimately, my goal is to be able to work from wherever I want whenever I want & still have a decent income.

But before I can get there, I need to finish the work I have now & do the prep work to move forward, which is why right now I’m a bit dismayed that two co-workers just came in to do a teleconference call with my office mate.

Hurry up & get done, people — my portfolio site only has a couple of things left to do, & I’ve got a monkey to finish!

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