What I want is what I’ve not got, and what I need is all around me…

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Well that’s a sad moment:
Goodbye, Norma Jean: Apple’s “Get a Mac” Ads are over

I’m gonna miss not watching the difference between a Mac & a PC.

“…I’m crying myself to sleep mode.” hee!

Shop At BBCAmerica.com Today!

because I’m messed up, that’s why
I have a couple of things to do for work this week, and you know what I’m jazzing on? Not the steady, paying gig that’s boring but stable work. No no, I’m excited about the combat-landing-esque site that I need to bring live by Saturday for a client who called me because they lost their old company (no for real) and now need to start over… now.
(I know, right? But as long as they’re paying, the reasons for the work really aren’t a problem for me – check cashes the same no matter what, my friend.)

And it’s in this that I’ve come to the realization of why I’ve hated my job so much, and really, it’s the same thing that bothers most designers – I’m tired of dealing with people who say they want one thing, & then utterly eff up what I give them. I’ve got one right now – building what will be a fairly complex site – no stylesheet, conflicting directions from the marketing manager & the developer, and I’m just… I literally just don’t even want to do work for them. I procrastinate on it. Horribly. And what I give them isn’t my best work, because when I do that they just rip it up, so I’m totally in this space of, “Whatever, take this.” and gods know that’s not a good point to work from. :sigh:

So instead, I’m having fun with a smaller, emergency site that I’ll get paid way less to do but will have complete creative freedom over – hell, I’ve even re-written most of her copy, which is such a relief to be able to do, considering some of the horrendous English I’m occasionally instructed to post on the internet. (I’m sorry Internet, really I am.)

Kate & I were talking at San Diego two weekends ago, and she confided that she was thinking of leaving her PhD program because she just… didn’t like it. As she pointed out, she could make the same amount of money working at Starbucks & enjoying her life a hell of a lot more than she does as a grad student. And I’m thinking… maybe that’s not a bad idea. I may walk into the Gap I used to work at today or tomorrow & grab an application – I’m pretty sure at least two of my old managers are still there, they’d probably be willing to hook me up with 20 hours a week or so – not much, but something so I at least feel like I’m getting something steady and can relax a bit instead of constantly feeling like I have to take every client because I need the cash.

I dunno. I think I’m just tired of always having to think. I have at least one side project for the summer, and I’ve done my part thus far, but it hasn’t been made an official go yet, and honestly, I don’t feel that I can completely trust the people involved on a business level — the programs are good, the money would be solid, and I’ve already got clients lined up to participate, but that last step hasn’t been done, and based on some behavior that I’ve seen over the last year, I don’t feel secure that someone isn’t going to turn on me & have everything fall through. I’m going to work on getting everything in writing beforehand, but even then I still don’t entirely have faith that I’ll get paid. And I can’t live like that any more, so yes. I think applying to the Gap it may be.


More than anything, I just feel like I’m not… getting anywhere. I’ve got this whole “shouting at the rain” thing right now. The worst thing about having an idea of what’s coming is the part where you have to wait for it to get here, and carry on with life in the interim. I’m kind of crap at that part.

Note: I just got an email offering me a brand new website for my portfolio site from some spam company. Wow, Universe, thanks so much for that obvious reminder. It’s on the list.

Okay. enough with the kvetching. Back to the salt mines… fun project first, dammit.

Music: Jimi Thing (Dave Matthews & Tim Reynolds – Live At Luther College) Dave Matthews & Tim Reynolds - Live At Luther College - Jimi Thing

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  • raithen

    tell Kate that seriously, if she is thinking of leaving the PhD program, to give herself some time to seriously consider it. Because there are lots of times I wonder if I shouldn’t have left at the end of year 1, when I first considered it, instead of all those years later. I mean, yes, learned lots great friends blah blah bliddy blah, but. Seriously. And you can send her my way — I don’t mind sharing my reasons etc.

    as for you: developers and marketing folks never agree. They are not ALLOWED to agree, cosmically, or the world will implode. you KNOW this. :)

    also, while yes, I have interviews for a proper in my field full time gig next week, I gotta say have a steady clerical gig really has been kind of nice, I gotta say ;)

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