Sorry, fellow miscreants. I’ve been pretty sick for the last week with what I can only describe as The Head Cold From Hell – to give perspective, I’ve only worked out once in the last five days, it’s been that bad. And even then, on Tuesday night after I did spin, I admitted to Heekin that I was still feeling like arse, & it’s possible that she as the instructor kinda kicked me out of yoga & told me not to come back until I was actually better instead of trying-to-act-like-I’m-okay better.
Fun part of life right now is the fact that I’m not used to taking drugs of any kind, so this week has been quite entertaining for Sachiel. Amongst other things, it’s possible that at one point I declared that I could only think in colors. These & other moments of fun were brought to you by the letter P & the good cold meds that federal law makes you swipe your license to buy at Target.
I don’t get sick enough for meds very often, so I was unfamiliar with this little pharmaceutical snafu, and since at that point I was basically wandering around Target like a grumblingly cranky 3-year-old that’s missed naptime, it may have taken more than one attempt to explain the necessity to produce ID.
Finally, things cleared my brain fog & I said, “Wait, so you guys weren’t kidding about that? Seriously, I couldn’t even remember to bring the coupon so we could get $1 off 2 cartons of juice– at this point in time, do I really strike you as someone capable of starting a meth lab?”
Things I’ve learned in the last week:
1. Zoey does not have cancer.
…and it only took a burst cyst on her butt, two vet appointments, and the low low price of $500 to help us determine that. This is also my mental reminder that I need to start Ernie‘s pet insurance policy from the same company as his sister ’cause oy, with the checkbook.
2. Neti pots only work under certain circumstances.
The present state of my left nostril, it would seem, is not one of them.
Neti Pots are supposed to help irrigate the crap out of your nose, and during the Target excursion wherein I reaffirmed my disinclination for meth addiction, Sachiel & I had a convo that we’ve heard Dao Jones talk about how much she likes them. So when when we saw one while waiting for the pharmacist, I was all, “Sure, let’s give it a whirl.”
It worked okay on the right nostril – not the nice neat stream they show in the illustrations, but still, air flow was achieved.
Left nostril… well let’s just say that if the nostril prefers to remain blocked, the warm liquid you’re attempting to run through doesn’t really have anywhere to go, at which point things can get backed up and you just might end up spitting out neti pot saline solution that’s leaked down the back of your throat, thankful for the decision to attempt this particular procedure over a bathtub as opposed to the sink as suggested by the directions.
The end result of this experiment may have been me cracking up Sachiel by stumbling out of the bathroom with red-rimmed eyes and the violent snuffles of a cokehead as I coughed, “Oh yah. Check it out – I’m wicked f*ckin’ sexy.”
3. Oh, TV – teacher mother secret lover…
Ne’er was a truer word spoken by Homer Simpson, my friends. Little did I know at the time what a fortuitously-timed purchase my Roku would turn out to be. The start of the week was season 1 of Nikita, which I probably would have watched sooner if I’d known the hottest version of Tom Sawyer ever was on it, as well as 30 Rock, which made me feel way better about the fact that, odd as my life occasionally is, at least I have never inadvertently dated my cousin.
However, even hunkered on my couch under a blankie & the 21-pound Puggle who thought me being home all day was great, I still had the interwebs.
When in doubt, just ask – What Would Lady Catherine de Bourgh Do?
Every so often, I have the whole “32 years old & single omfg” moment. I do, I totally do.
- the girl whose inadvertent life trend of adopting the canines nobody else wanted means that, in a pinch, I can literally set my dogs on you.
f*ck yah I’m gonna friend Jesus on twitter!
Honestly, it was kinda worth getting up this morning simply to have the internet show me this:
…and he’s got his own facebook page.
How his ident got verified with Zuckerberg’s security, that’s what I want to know.
Welcome to the importance of controlling your brand identity.
Fun fact: I own the majority of the generic rowing urls for the LA area. About… five years ago I worked for some guys who flipped domains on the side, & after watching them I went through and, amongst other things, bought up urls for the niche market of rowing in Los Angeles.
However, my original business application(s) for this venture are no longer in play, so I’ve been looking to donate some, sell others, and I keep having to explain to people why yes, they want to acquire the urls that I have if for no other reason than to make sure someone else can’t use those name against them.
Yes, that totally goes there. No, I don’t own the domain, but indeed, having rowed with alumni of both schools, I did laugh more than a little.
That’s it for now, kids. But fear not! We’ll be back on Tuesday, asking you to help settle a household debate by voting on an important ethical quandary in preparation for the inevitable Zombie Apocalypse.
In the meantime, I’ve asked Zoey to keep an eye on the place. Good luck.