safety tips, puggle diets, & buying victoria’s secrets

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My puggle is gonna put me into therapy.

Actual search I had to do last week:
average weight for adult puggle

The answer, by the way, is 15-18 lbs.
We looked this up because Ernie weighs 23.

When I got him, Ernie weighed 11.3 lbs.

For those of you that just used your phone’s calculator function, that’s right – my dog has more than doubled his body weight since February. It’s like he realized he was in a safe place, & decided he was gonna celebrate by gettin’ his pudge on.

When I first got him, it was like, “Please god yes, just eat. eat whatever, just eat.” The first night I had him, Hoff’s roommate watched me literally break up chicken strips from Ralph’s & hand feed Ernie so that he’d eat. It was like that.

Then, when he kinda settled in to how our world works, he made it very clear that he didn’t want little dog food, he wanted what Zoey ate, because he’s a big dog, donchaknow. So I figured, fine, and just gave him way smaller portions.

Problem being that I would come home & find that the well-meaning albeit occasionally a scoche scatty semi-retired artist who walks my dogs while I’m at Museum!Co had been falling for Ernie’s sad little eyes and was feeding him during the day. Except that her dog is a 120 lb goober-monster that is literally named Gargoyle (tru fax, yo) so I’d come in and Ernie’s food bowl would not just be full, but have a pile of kibble in it that formed a reverse U over the top of the dish. I’d get home at 9pm, & both dogs would be all, “No, dude, I’m good. Totally full.”

And that’s how Ernie got to 17 lbs.

So I had a gentle chat with Miss Heidi, (because that’s what we call her in front of the children) & no more extra feedings.

and yet, still with the pudge, because it turns out that Ernie would just go eat Zoey’s food.

Zoey & I have been hanging out together for about a decade now, and she’s always been a grazer when it comes to eating — the little diva is always very up on keeping her girlish figure. So you can imagine her surprise when I started lifting dishes in the morning & instituting Actual Meal Times.

Indignant, her contemptuous sniffles would tell me. That’s how she felt. To be treated in such a fashion that she can’t be trusted for food to be left down — it’s as though I thought she was some kind of …. animal. Clearly, her derisive glare communicated, this must be the fault of him — I told you no good would come of bringing a little dog into the house. Don’t forget that.

So Ernie was allowed to continue to eat the same food as Zoey, but only at certain times, & with a Puggle-appropriate portion.

…and yet, 23 lbs.

Sorry buddy – Little Dog Food for you.

I put the allotted half a cup in his bowl, and Ernie looked at me with a scrunchy nose that clearly said, “Dammit! :sigh:”

But he’s eating it, & while I was in San Diego Mia kept him on his new diet so we can go for a few weeks & see if that helps, because dude, when the dog’s that small, five pounds makes a total difference.

Meanwhile, I feel completely horrible because after years of being bounced through every fad diet known to (wo)man by my mother as a child, & eventually losing 60lbs as an adult, all I can think is, “Oh god, I just put my unwilling (albeit canine) child on a diet. Thank god he doesn’t have the opposable thumbs to eventually become a rower, or this would all just be a little too meta.”

In honor of the puggle in my house who’s annoyed I put him on a diet, this month’s puggle pageant from the group on facebook:
It’s totally cute. Go on, click it – you know you wanna!

Banner 300x250 Animated

…and after that I shopped for clothes. Because that’s totally comforting too.

About two weeks go, there was a fundraiser for @Steeesh, because it would seem we can buy a hammer for $20k, but the US can’t fund its Olympians, not that that’s annoying or anything.

…I had a point. What was my point? Oh, right.

My clothes suck.

As much as I love Museum!Co, working in the Web department means that we really don’t have to dress up all that much for work, so while other jobs have required at least some modicum of professional wear, a year of freelancing followed by shuffling into Museum!Co three days a week in t-shirts & jeans means that when I went to try to find something to wear, I realized that all I really have now is… different degrees of t shirts and jeans.

Hrm. Shut up, Anya.

So I went over to Victoria’s Secret.

I know, right? Not what you thought I was gonna say.

I have a really long torso, and arms that the clothing industry seems to think are a proportion found only amongst certain breeds of orangutang. The truth is that Vicky’s habit of trying to make women look kittenish & slightly helpless via elongated sleeves & “tunic length” shirts means that on me, it just… looks normal. So yes, much of my clothing comes from the fact that Victoria’s secret is that they emailed me with a code for $30 off & free shipping.

Irony? Their actual underwear almost never fits me right, so mostly I get my stuff from GapBody & Target. ’cause I’m helluh sexay that way, yo.

The result of this particular internet outing is that instead of having an army of baby doll tees that I layer over one of the innumerable tank tops that Anya & lawgeekgurl have threatened to steal & use for a bonfire, I got myself this:

It's not a t-shirt!

It's not a t-shirt!

which I figure is an improvement over my method of having the same t shirt in different colors for the winter, and thus will add some variety to my wardrobe.

Especially since I got it in four different colors.

…what? baby steps, b*tches. Baby steps.

Safety tips:

1. Due to choking hazard, don’t read Nathan Fillion’s twitter updates while imbibing liquid.
Director just told me to channel @Michael_Rooker, so I climbed on top of a trailer and scared a guest star. #thingsrookerdoes @NathanFillion

2. Roller chairs & headphones should only be combined with extreme caution
when sliding across one’s cubicle in a rolling chair, make sure to remove headphones which are attached to work laptop first, lest one encounter an unexpected halt of motion via having your head yanked backwards.

…not that this actually happened, just that like, I heard it might, & figured I’d warn you guys. Yes. That. Totally.

Music: Think Good Thoughts – Colbie Caillat All of You - Colbie Caillat

Mozy Remote Backup.  Free.Automatic.Secure.

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  • Mr. Whyt

    RE: Headphones
    Dude I totally have had that happen to… a friend of mine. Said friend also got pulled out of a bus by his headphones. They got snagged on a exiting passenger and friend had to go with the flow cause his iPod was firmly in his pocket and the headphones would not unplug themselves.

  • http://www.candlemarkandgleam.com Kate

    I’ve never ever done that with headphones. Nope. Never.

    Also, man, it’s so hard to put your critters on a diet, innit? I’m still proud of how much the FGC has lost – he’s actually bird-shaped and -sized now! – but he just gives me those EYES.

    Love the shirt, too.









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