spartan proposals, nerd ethics, & things worth knowing.

With your shield or on it, b*tches!

Okay, before anything else, I can’t run a blog called HeroineAddict & not post the link to the engagement proposal that looks like this:

Really? That is just freakin’ awesome. Don’t you wanna marry that guy? I totally want to marry him, & I don’t even know him! Also, considering my track record, I am aware Anya just made a remark regarding the fact that it’s entirely possible that may be a sneak preview of my wedding photos.

Nerd Ethics:

Ya know how, every so often, you go & creep on the internet & check up on people, or use google for less than awesome purposes? (Oh, yes, you do. shut it, I know you do.)

Well, a friend of mine did that the other day for a thing involving her family, & she was telling me about it (in this case, I can understand why the background check was in the mix), because, “We had just enough information to google them & find out who they are.”

I laughed at her a little & said, “See, here’s what I’m thinking — on the one hand, okay yeah I can see why you did that, and I feel a little bad for them because they had no idea that you’re a big bunch of tech geeks who could track them down on the internet in a heartbeat. So there’s that part of me. On the other hand, while I know it would be wrong, there’s also the part of me that totally wants those links so that I can look too, so I’m going to leave now.”

as I walked away I heard, “I can email them to you!”

“Stop it, that’s why I’m leaving!”

…and less than five minutes later I got

>>> :name deleted: 7/14/2011 11:17 AM >>>
Subj: you know you wanna….
:link to information about other people here:

>>> Claris 7/14/2011 11:18 AM >>>
Would you like to see what I just wrote for a blog entry? You’re totes evyl, yo.

>>> :name deleted: 7/14/2011 11:19 AM >>>
Subj: you know you wanna….
Duh duh DUH!

———————————

Random things I’d like to caution against:

• I get horribly annoyed when people use “everybody knows” in their explanations of things. If I’m reading your copy, maybe it’s because I don’t know — maybe I’m here to learn, and you just made me feel bad about that. Did you think of that, Mr. EverybodyShouldKnow? Huh? Didja? ’cause now I feel stupid, and I don’t want to learn, so I’m going to stop now, and never learn what it is that you think I should know — so there, and now you’re totally wrong, because factoring in my ignorance not everybody knows, so ha! You’re wrong! Totally, completely wrong, so neener!
• Guys, once you have graduated from your undergrad degree, it is generally inadvisable to use “bro” when talking to another. The only time this is acceptable is ironic usage — such as when I, one of the the whitest white girls in Whiteonia, occasionally end words with the letter Z or add “, yo”.
  

  Example: white girl from the NorthEast + Chinese girl from Arizona = so not taking ourselves seriously.
  Sachiel: I want to have Michael Fassbender’s children. And Nathan Fillion. And Brendan Hines.
  Claris: Really? Three guys?
  Sachiel: I like to have options. What, you don’t have a list?
  Claris: … Nathan Fillion. I agree there. I think I’d be down to have his children.
  Sachiel: That’s it?
  Claris: What can I say, I’m a picky bitch. Plus, you’ll be busy enough for the both of us.
  Sachiel: It’s true – for these men I’m a ho.
  Claris: For realzies, yo.

  For those of you wondering, yes, we actually do talk to one another like this. A bunch.

  ———————————————————————————————————
  Pause for Internet Wishlist Messaging System:

  Dear Nathan Fillion:
  

  Unlike Sachiel, I actually live in LA. Since you’re within what match.com would see as viable geographic proximity, I feel I should offer that:

  • I’m okay with explaining to my mother I’m involved with a foreigner
  • we don’t work in the same industry, so I wouldn’t have to worry about you being intimidated the inherent fame & financial success that writing random crap on the internet had inevitably brought me.
  • Sachiel told me about your TiVo obsession – I’m okay with that, if you’re okay with the dogs, who will most likely watch TV with you. We’ve actually discovered that Ernie really likes watching guys play video games, so I think that might work out.
  • I’d probably be willing to drive to Burbank.
    (I’m just sayin’, it’s an option that I could work with – if nothing else, I can always stop in at IKEA and make it a “two birds, one stone” sort of day. btw, do you need anything at IKEA? ’cause you’re totally welcome to come along. We can carpool or something, it’ll be something to tell the offspring about later on.)

  see you on the interwebs!
  ~ Claris

  end transmission of Internet Wishlist Messaging System:
  ———————————————————————————————————

  But hey – celebrity breeding hypotheticals aside – let’s go back to the issue at hand:
  

  Gentlemen – should you happen to be well out of your college party years and still attempting to contextually apply “bro” or “brah” in conversation either in real life or via an electronic medium such as facebook, you should be aware there is most likely a sign over your head that says, “Hi, I’m trying way too hard.”

  Now, should you have previously established yourself a fluent purveyor of snappy, sardonically-edged repartee on a regular basis, then yes, apply at will – one day we’ll no doubt sing songs & tell our children tales of your pithy wit.

  If, however, your usage involves commenting on your friend’s online status with, “Way to go, brah” — then it’s time to put the most likely well-intentioned but ultimately ill-advised attempt at fitting in down and back away slowly with your hands in the air so that nobody else gets hurt, lest we have to stage an intervention that may include asking #NerdHQ to make a PSA about you.

• People everywhere: Please do not send your web designer a correction list that starts with, “I haven’t looked at the most recent version, but here are my thoughts.”
  Really? Really?

———————————

Random things which remind me the world is awesome:

• Wherein Dave Grohl is awesome
  (because being in Nirvana and Foo Fighters wasn’t enough of an indicator already.)

• Been there, actually freakin’ said that exact sentence.
  ..and also, while this movie premise was totally just done by Ashton & Natalie, I think Justin & Mila’s version may be better, if for no other reason than that clearly, the writers & I have the same philosophy towards modern rom-com: Screw you Katherine Heigl!
• I never thought I’d say this, but look what I found at yoga.
  By the MTV stamp on this video, I realize I’m probably behind the times, but hey – I don’t have MTV, & sometimes I’m a wee bit slow. Either way, this is cool sh*t.
  
  Want it for your very ownsies?
  Nothing Else Matters – Apocalyptica (Inquisition Symphony)

That’s it for now, peoples — this weekend I’m down at the Menagerie, so we’ll see if Zoey has learned her lesson from last time about what happens when one decides after a decade of scorning all contact with water to run headlong into the ocean, give her mother a heart attack, then jauntily trot out & roll in the sand.

Towel? Why can't I just get in the car like this?

In other news, last week I got my car detailed.

Music: Upside Down – Jack Johnson (Curious George)