my toddler mindset, avoiding Twilight, & stressing about meditation.

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So basically I’d decorate like a 5 year old.
what does it say about my life that I love the way they painted this kids’ room & kinda want it for my own?
(obviously the bed would be a little bigger. Yes. Before anyone goes there. goobers.)

Dear Florence: Thanks for helping me avoid Twilight.
I more than kinda lurvers me some Florence + The Machine. In a sea of teeny-bop crap (which I totally cop to listening to when I run, not gonna lie) I love that the Brits have sent us Florence & Adele, two non-conformist redheads with awesome songs.

So when I heard Heavy In Your Arms come across on Pandora, I was all, “Dude, I want that song!”

…then I went to iTunes & discovered it was only available off the damn Twilight soundtrack — and you had to buy the whole album.

ugh. :mewl of discontent:

For those of you just tuning in, I hate Twilight. HAAATE. Flames from the sides of my face kind of hate. It’s just so… dumb. And when people compare it to Buffy the Vampire Slayer (which I was a total fannerd for) I just want to reach forward & rip their spinal column out through their nose because clearly they have no idea what they’re talking about, but that’s another issue for another day.

Don’t get me wrong – I’m not anti-male, I’m not against romance. While the last two years of my life have not exactly allowed for such things, I think it might even be nice to have both a man & a romance of my very own someday, & I’ll be the first to cop to the fact that I’m kind of a Pride and Prejudice addict.

I hate Twilight because there’s no hero’s journey. She’s clumsy, she’s whiny, she hates herself, she has crap self-esteem, she gets a boyfriend, she agnsts over boyfriend, he’s the purpose of her life & she never wants to grow beyond being a teenager. Really? That’s all you got?

A guy I know once described it as, “Harry Potter is about loyalty, & friendship, & growing up & deciding what kind of person you’re going to be. Twilight is about how important it is to have a boyfriend.”

Oh, I forgot – it’s okay, because the boyfriend glitters.

That’s right, he glitters.
Go on, click the link. Join my promo product horror.

You know what would happen to a glittering vampire in Sunnydale? First they’d dust his ass, and then they’d point. And mock. And laugh.
And when they mock his sorry, glittery, newly-dusted ass, they’d do it in a way that’s pithy and by using sentences whose overly loquacious use of adjectives wouldn’t cause a high school English teacher to abandon use of a red pen & just set the whole thing on fire because the grammatical structure was such that it made the Baby Jesus want to cry.

Every time I see any of those movies, I just want to get on a plane, go to freakin’ Forks Oregon find that stupid b*tch & just shake her while saying, “Bella, what are you doing? Backpack across Europe, get a tattoo (that doesn’t say Edward), spank your inner moppet, do whatcha gotta do, but for god’s sake girl – GET AN IDENTITY OF YOUR OWN THAT DOESN’T NEED VALIDATION FROM A MAN.” I mean, what was she going to do before she met Edward? Was there an idea for college? for a career? What happened to all those run-of-the-mill, normal sort of things? Where is that?

I just… it’s all so two dimensional, it makes one want to despair for the next generation of humanity – and no, not just because it sets the mere idea of women’s lib back about a bajillion years. Beyond the philosophical and moral issues, the practical part of me is annoyed because on a purely operational level, I’m upset about natural resources martyred in the name of printing that dren. You wanna read crap writing, that’s fine, but at least e-book the sh*t, dude. Mother Earth had other uses for those trees’ ability to produce clean air, people. I’m willing to bet that craptastic vampire drivel was not part of her plan.


Hey, wait – how did I get up on this soapbox? Huh.

:climbs back down:

Clearly, there’s only one solution:
And then Buffy staked Edward. The End.

Anyway, so I kind of refuse to give any actual money to anything to do with Twilight – I only NetFlix the movies because I believe that if you’re going to trash something, you should have at least seen it first so you can knock it knowledgeably. (Standards, you know. Must have those.)

The point being that I was rather chuffed when I found out about Florence’s B Sides album, as it contains the song Heavy In Your Arms, thus allowing me to acquire the track I wanted completely free of Twilight cooties.

Why you might ask, am I not annoyed at the fact that she contributed to the Twilight soundtrack in the first place? Hey man, I’ve worked for lots of people where I thought their product was crap, but ya know what – the check cleared. As you will often hear people say in Los Angeles, “Yah, it was horrible, but everybody got paid.” Can’t argue with that, my friend. Indeed you cannot.

Mozy Remote Backup.  Free.Automatic.Secure.

Dear irony: why are you have to be so ironic?
My meditation teacher is doing a rounding workshop this weekend from 3-5. (It’s all right if you have no idea what that is.)

I’d love to go, but I’m supposed to work at the Bear!Boathouse Open House from 5-8 that night, & trying to figure out if I could leave the first 15 min early to get to the second is kinda stressing me out, which probably negates the whole purpose of a rounding session to begin with.

Today’s Song:

I chose not to use the official version because seriously, Florence? totally weird. Love the music, think you need different film. Just sayin’.

Music: Heavy in your Arms – Florence + the Machine Lungs - The B-Sides - Florence + The Machine

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  • Megdalen

    No hero journey!! Exactly. Whereas “Thor” for example not only has a hero’s journey that a two year old could decipher, it also has Thor in a t-shirt and jeans, and there are muscles in his arms I didn’t know arms could have… I’m having a moment.

    • claris

      oh, no, I had like, ten moments during that movie. I still think the best moment was:

      “Is that the way you look all the time?”
      “Well, yeah.”
      “It’s a good look.”

      I read an interview where Chris Helmsworth did his first wardrobe fitting & he’d actually muscled up too much so nothing fit & they told him to dial it back. That was him dialed back. As I said to Polgara, “I really hope his wife enjoyed every second of that shoot.” ;)

      But yes – Thor shows actual growth on the part of the hero, & an honest change in a character’s view of the world. Meanwhile, if I were Bella & so damn clumsy that I fall down the stairs & my hybrid child has to be c-sectioned by my supernatural boyfriend who rips open the placenta with his vampire teeth… I think that’s the point where you enroll in ballet class & work on eliminating an apparently deadly case of vertigo. I’m not judging, just… ya know… suggesting.

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