Goodbye, my almost lover…

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So long, my luckless romance
Should have known you’d bring me heartache
Almost lovers always do

Points of Note:
- heard You Picked Me A Fine Frenzy - One Cell In the Sea - You Picked Me over vacation & possibly fell a little bit in gurl-crush love with A Fine Frenzy A Fine Frenzy over the last few days. Realize I’m probably late to the party on this one, but sharing my less-than-three-ness all the same.

- am less than six hours away from returning to life after the holidays & would say that I got about half of what I needed to accomplished in my personal life, and only about a quarter of it taken care of in my professional life. Really must work on working outside of my apartment, as it currently seems to be sucking the life out of me.
In all honesty, as has been pointed out, I am no longer the same person I was eight years ago when I moved in here, and it’s possible that my energy simply doesn’t work with my apartment anymore, which is why I don’t feel comfortable here as I used to. It’s a double-edged sword, really — I can’t seem to get any work done at home, but I can’t get out of my apartment unless I make more money.

- the solution? Get the eff out of Dodge to work. I’ve arranged for Zoey to spend large amounts of quality time with her boyfriend Argo next door, so she’ll have puppy playgroup, which helps Argo’s mother in that the three dogs (Argo has a sister named Skeela) will amuse each other and she can get work done. Meanwhile, I’m about to go use and abuse the internet available at Starbucks for at least the next week on what I can only describe as a full time basis. Tomorrow I have an appt. to work on MadamG & do some reiki work, so I’m just driving up to Topanga in the morning after the boathouse & staying up there ’til 7pm. I can’t go anywhere, I can’t do anything, there’s nothing in that end of town to distract me, so hopefully massive amounts of work can be accomplished.

- Why do I live in a city where all you motherfuckers sleep?
as part of this, must take a moment & share that it’s rather hard to find a 24-hr coffeeshop in LA. Go on, Google it sometime. I’m currently wondering if Swingers would get pissy if I went there & worked all night every so often. Verdict – most likely yes.

- Oh, GoDaddy, you fickle, fickle wench.
The one project that I do have completed to show to a client was ready to be uploaded… and I realized that crapsticks, I still need to move my portfolio domain over from DotEasy so I have php capabilities. (yes, it’s been at the old place for quite some time. I know. I know) Went to go use a GoDaddy url on my master server, & hey — because I renewed the name on the last day, they put a “park” page up instead of the folder I’d linked it to… :sigh: A call to tech support has that fixed, but it probably won’t show for anywhere from 6 – 48 hours, so I can check that work off my list, but add the task to send the email sometime tomorrow.

- strategically saving the earth, one CD at a time.
One of the few things I managed to accomplish in the cleaning of my apartment was to cull my CD wall. No, seriously, talk about a friggin’ mess – when you knock over a stack of empty cases and leave them on the floor because you just don’t care enough to clean it up… well that’s a sign that it’s time to get out the black plastic trash bags. Or, in this case, the cardboard boxes.

It took the entirety of my christmas day, but after about 10 hours of sorting & uploading, I had a couple of piles:
1. stuff to go to Kate
2. CDs to be sold @ Amoeba
3. CDs that I know Amoeba won’t buy but can be given to someone. (In this case, that turned out to be the guys next door)
4. Crap I will never use & neither will anyone else.

The fourth category left me with a quandry – what do I do with all of the useless, old CDs of data & music that I’ve now transferred to an external hard drive, as well as empty cases & broken stuff that I just never got around to getting. Ironically enough, it turns out there is a recycling center right there in Salem, NH, not half an hour away from where I went to high school. Considering that some of the files I found where work from high school, this means that some of the CDs I sent out were actually returning to where I’d burned them. *snerk*

To give you an idea of the job of work that was wading through all of my archived stuff, I sent those ecologically-minded folks back in NH an eleven pound box of stuff to be recycled, and promised myself that the $18 I spent in ground shipping was hopefully paying off karma I owed someone somewhere.

- All girls love shoes. You just need to find out which kind.
My Nikes from earlier this week arrived on my doorstep, and I’m rather in their thrall. I missed the arch support in the Shox Turbo line, and I’m actually looking forward to working out tomorrow morning just so I can go running afterwards. Considering the price, I’m pondering ordering a second pair & putting them in the closet just so I don’t have to hunt around four or five months from now when this pair wears out, but I haven’t decided if that’s a little over-the-top exactitude-wise, even for an equipment fussy-pants like me.

- …meanwhile, back at the ranch…
Returning to life also means a return to the other things, which I have mixed feelings about. I’ve learned that some things aren’t entirely what they seemed, but I’m not the one that can take the first step to fix it, and that irks me. I’m a fixer, I won’t lie. It bothers me to leave things out of order, even if it means that my past has occasionally included the question, “… is it just me, or is there at least $20k unaccounted for here?” (for the record, that question will gain you a great amount of flack. Just in case anyone was wondering.)

But this is one that I can’t fix. I’m actually legally bound from fixing it if I want to keep me & mine safe, so I have to walk away until the person that can do something grows a pair & decides to man up. :shrug: In the meantime, I have three rowing-related websites to finish, a training plan to alter, and a team to hold together. At the end of the day, what it comes down to is that I need to be a better leader, so that’s all I can do right now. How do you explain to someone, “It’s not that I don’t care about you, it’s that right now, I can’t care, or we will both be screwed.”

I’m reminded of a quote by C.J. from The West Wing – “You guys are like Butch and Sundance peering over the edge of a cliff to the boulder-filled rapids 300 feet below, thinking you better not jump ’cause there’s a chance you might drown. [...] It’s the fall that’s gonna kill ya.”

Except she was wrong, ya know – technically, you live through the fall just fine… it’s the landing that’s the decider.

- jiggedy-jig…
…and so, with five hours until I have to leave to start all over again, I need to go pack my bag & set up my life so I can hole up in a Starbucks in Topanga for the day. Here’s hopin’ I get done what needs doin’.

Tea: Adagio Fruit Sangria Herbal Tea

Music: Almost Lover – A Fine Frenzy A Fine Frenzy - One Cell In the Sea - Almost Lover

Adagio Teas - Free Shipping & Wrapping

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