So, remember how, around this time last year, I was going to foster this Chihuahua mix because Dao guilted me into it? And how I was totally only going to keep him for the weekend just so they wouldn’t gas his skinny little ass?
…and thus entered Ernie into our lives.
Much to Zoey‘s deep chagrin.
Also? Holy crap lookit how skinny he used to be.
As such, despite several attempts by his older sister to sell Ernie to gypsies for a quarter, Ernie survived his first year with us. And since we’d don’t know his actual birthday, it’s been decided to make Valentine’s Day his Adoptaversairy Day, so today, Ernie turns seven.
In fact, Ernie comes into his seventh year having learned many important things.
Things I Have Learned!
- It’s better to poo outsidethe house. ’cause when you do that, they say, “yay, good boy Ernie!”…and when you don’t, you have to sit in the corner. :sigh:
- it takes some time to learn how, but if you’re quick, you can follow Mom everywhere & not get stepped on.
- if you want attention, it’s better to sit with all four feet on the ground, ’cause Mom says making a dog dance for treats is demeaning.
- if you are quiet & patient & okay with her always being in charge, eventually Zoey will tolerate you, and then you can sleep on the same side of the bed and she’ll let you give her kisses! (I love my big sissy!)
- Quiet Time (when mommy meditates) is the bestest!
- before I pick a fight with a bigger dog, I should check to make sure I am bigger than their head. I don’t understand why that is, by the way – I’m a scrapper from south central, yo — I can totally take them!
- turns out that when I get to eat, I’m a whole different breed of dog. Who knew?
- when Mommy teaches Sculling I & I go in the launch, I am an excellent assistant coach. Mommy showed me that someone put it on their course evaluation, so it must be true!
- we’re not supposed to attack random people, even if I think they’re shifty.Sometimes I forget this one.
- I sleep curled up by Mommy’s tummy. Zoey sleeps behind her knees. Why? because that’s the way we roll.
- Zoey gets the big couch, & I get the little couch. Unless Zoey wants the little couch. Then I go sit on Mommy’s feet.
- My first night, Mommy got me a blue Thomas the Tank Engine blankie because she wanted me to have something soft & she thought that was better than the pink Disney princess blankie. It’s a year later, and I still really like my blankie.
- when Zoey walks over & looks at you, it usually means she wants that spot, so you should move. Some people think she only does that to me, but I’ve actually seen her move humans that way. It’s amazing!
- it’s nice here. I like it.Thanks Auntie Dao.
Expectation vs. Reality: the Adoptaversairy Version
Now, considering the way our house is, you’d probably hear the word “Adoptaversairy” and think “Oh holy jesus, you like, put the dog in a hat, didn’t you?”
source: Huffington Post
No, indeed I did not.
Reality: POO. omg, people. So. Much. Poo.
Instead, we’ve spent the last two days with a puggle whose tiny tummy was hugely upset, an event that he kicked off my walking up onto my bed and vomiting – luckily, I was awake and thus able to cry out in alarm as I quickly stripped the topsheet off before it could soak in — to be honest, the part that took the longest was convincing Zoey that no, get up for real. Dammit Zoey, this is not a drill, get off the bed!
And such has it been. But only at night.
Two nights in a row Ernie has graced the floors with unintentional cow pies, the likes of which have reminded me of why I prefer hardwood flooring (which we do not have in the bedrooms) and have caused Ernie to hide under my desk out of shame until I coaxed him out to assure the poor baby that I wasn’t mad.
However, some advice from Auntie Anya & two 1/4 tsp doses of Pepto Bismol later, we seem to be on back on the right digestive track, thank $deity.
Thus, with a (arguably) more refined sense of decorum & a markedly more stable intestinal system doth Ernie enter the age of 7. Personally, I’m just hoping that this year involves such valuable things as finally getting The Ernie Noise recorded for you guys, maybe helping Sachiel figure out how to hold a puggle, & the vague notion that Ernie will become blasé enough about his security for the separation anxiety to ease just a bit — at least enough that his sister will no longer exercise the one thing she’s found Ernie to be useful for: Getting him to do shit, as she did one night when I shut them out of my room in the hopes of being able to eat in peace, and instead started the video on my phone because I… heard something.
I know this will seem odd at the beginning, but just… hang out & wait for it. Trust me.
Happy Adoptaversairy, lil’ man. Next year though… I’m totally gonna see if Auntie Mia can find you a tiny party hat.