crushing souls, pathetic honesty, & my own secret club

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I have a story to tell you. It’s about an incredibly horrible way to lose seven pounds in five days. There may be some TMI involved.

So while I compose this tale of stomach-emptying woe which may have resulted in me thanking the gods I got an apartment with hardwood while I laid on my living room floor in my underwear during LA’s only heat wave this summer, I thought I’d share some of the non-yicky part of last week with you.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m off to resume sipping on my Nalgene full of watered-down Gatorade and cursing the part of me that told Museum!Co, “Sure, I’ll come in Monday so we can get it done early!”

My son has 46 friends on his facebook page. He’s five days old.

~ Pawswithclaws

This is what happens when you have nerd parents.
…and a nerd auntie, and they all have nerd friends.

Welcome to the future, people – it’s gonna be great.

I know, right? If I was you, I’d totally want me teaching you to row.

Text’d by me to another coach:
I just signed up to teach my sculling I requirement for the december class. I can’t wait ’til flip test day, those poor shivery bastards.

The German language – crushing souls one word at a time.

Actual German word that I had to type out for one of my contract jobs:
Ha! It is too a real word, I totally linked it ’cause I knew you’d say I made it up.

As someone of primarily German descent, I’d just like to take a moment to look at my ancestral heritage & say:

why on earth would you do that to the children? ’cause you look at that word, & you just know that somewhere, at some time in history — that word completely killed some poor kid’s dreams at a spelling bee.

Is it pathetic if you’re just bein’ honest?

One of the project managers at Civic!Co & I were talking about project management/availability for the fall, & my response was:

yah, I’ll be around the next few months — my life’s boring like that. ;)

After I sent it, I thought, “Wow, that’s kinda depressing.” Then I realized… doesn’t make it any less true. :shrug:

This is totally making my life better.

Texts from Pawnee

First, if you’re not watching Parks & Rec… wtf, man. You really need to. It’s okay if you’ve held out, for a while I did too. Then I had a weekend at the Menagerie following a week of texts from amypop about the greatness of Leslie Knope & there was this Roku box loaded up with Seasons 1 & 2 via NetFlix, & yeah. It was all over, I just can’t even tell you.

Second, if you’ve ever worked in the nightclub/bar/restaurant/nighttime entertainment industry, the captions are awesome because I’ve totally heard the real life versions, and no comic could sit down & make up the sh*t people say when they’re trashed.

Awesome because…

Plus, I just really like this one because it kinda defines a lot of my friends:

100 different cards

I can tell that we are gonna be friends…

There’s often a staff mtg for my department at Museum!Co on Wednesdays, and CaptJack will bring bagels for it — even when there’s not a meeting, he still brings bagels. (this kind of works out for me since as a contractor I don’t go to these meetings, so either way — bagels!)

But Claris, you might be thinking — no wheat, no bagel, yes?

Well… yes. but the New Yorker in me likes the free bagels concept on principle. shoosh.

Anyway, so it’s Wednesday, and there I am in the staff kitchen, putting my bowl of fruit & yogurt together for breakfast across from the mountain of pastries & bagels delivered by the CaptJack Express.

One of the girls that got hired the week before comes in, looks at the bagels & gave a sad little sigh, so I laughed & said, “I know, right? There’s almost always food out here, it’s actually kind of evil.”

She looked at me & replied, “It’s not just that. I’m actually gluten intolerant, but I really like bread, and that’s kind of my idea of hell.”

What can I say? Men have brothers-in-arms, women have sisters-in-intestines.

I cracked up. “Oh my god yes totally. I actually have the same problem. Hence my gluten-free breakfast.” :holds up bowl of fruit:

It was kind of awesome, I’m not gonna lie – we both admitted to constantly eating fruit & the fact that you just… reason out having bread every so often & resign yourself to the part where you’re gonna pay for it after.
example: later in the day, I told myself that the the half a bagel that I had wasn’t bad nutritionally because the cream cheese had lox in it, so I was actually just using the bagel as the vehicle to deliver extra protein to my system, so the protein outweighed the gluten… right? Right. totally. that’s what I said.

The conversation petered out, & she went, “Okay, so what’s your name again?”

“Claris. I’m sorry, yours?”


“Awesome. talk to you later?”

“Totally, we’ll exchange recipes.”

It’s like this whole little club that I never even knew I belonged to…

Music: After the Storm – Mumford & Sons Sigh No More - Mumford & Sons

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